*Disclaimer: The views of Randy Houston are in no way are reflective of the views of Youngfashioned.com or any members of our staff*
This is sure to catch some flack, so let me clear some things up before you read any further. I am a registered Republican, and my views are moderately conservative. I love guns, blowing shit up, hate Obama, and I want more State control and less Government control. That should give you a pretty good indication of just how concerned you should be when you read this article.
The fact that anyone is taking Donald Trump’s run for presidency seriously causes a massive blow to my faith in humanity. When he announced his run, I literally laughed out loud, and thought to myself, “this fucking guy,” but then he kept going. I said, “There isn’t a single person with an iota of intelligence in this world who will actually take this guy seriously.” I mean there’s just no way people are that fucking dense. I was wrong.
Donald Trump is the Republican front runner. Yes, you read that right. Currently, he is leading the polls.
Has everyone lost their fucking minds? I mean seriously? Can any of you look at this guy and not see the embodiment of ignorance, bigotry, greed, and sensationalism? Don’t get me wrong, the entire 2016 presidency run is a fucking joke, but Trump, seriously? I just can’t wrap my head around it.
His entire platform is based on “Making America great again.” People love him because he “says what’s on his mind,” and “no-one can buy him.” No shit Sherlock, the guys a rich and ignorant buffoon who spews idiocy out of his mouth, and you all are buying into it just because he says he will “Make America great again?” Really? That’s your logic? You might want to start wearing a helmet outside, because I’m terribly concerned for your ability to comprehend the basic concept of thinking.
Let’s put aside the fact that this guy makes more money than you will in ten of your lifetimes, and you sincerely expect him to understand your needs. If you ran a business, and this business was all you had, put food in your kids mouths, and a roof over their heads, would you hire a CEO with no experience in business? Seriously, would you hire the LEADER of your company with zero, zilch, nada, none, not even a crumb of experience? If you answered yes, put that helmet back on, you’re going to hurt yourself.
So not only is this joke of a presidential candidate clearly lacking an actual plan, but he has zero political experience. “We’ll fuck you guy, he’s made tons of companies rich.” How can I explain this to you in a simple matter you might understand? Running a business is like playing with cards at a casino, sure you can make a fortune, but your focus is on playing cards. Running the Country is like running the entire corporation that owns the casino the business is playing in. The focus would be a little different, right? Still don’t get it? You might need a bigger helmet.
Here are some of my favorite things he has actually said:
“I have black guys counting my money. … I hate it. The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day.”
Women: “You have to treat ’em like shit.”
John McCain is “not a war hero. … He is a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured, OK?”
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems. They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime. They’re rapists and some, I assume, are good people, but I speak to border guards and they’re telling us what we’re getting.”
“I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks.”
“I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
“You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”
There you have it America, words directly out of the potential next President. Give yourself a round of applause for even considering this asshole, on behalf of all sensible Republicans, you are an official certified dumbass.
While it’s been difficult to fathom the lack of intelligence behind this whole thing, it finally dawned on me. Donald Trump isn’t a Republican. Donald Trump is actually a secret Democrat, working to tarnish the legitimacy of the Republican party. And guess what’s coming up in early 2016? That’s right. I’ve figured out this whole fucking thing. Donald Trump is playing the most elaborate, and dirty April Fool’s Prank of all time. While he’ll never admit to this, you can thank me later when he announces live on CNN that he’s been yanking our chain this whole time. It just makes too much sense, it’s the biggest publicity stunt ever created, and he’s doing it to wake Americans the fuck up to start taking politics seriously.
Good shit Donald, but I’ve got you figured out.
– Randy Houston